Honoring our Parents and loved ones means to support them, to help them in time of need and, most importantly, to pray for them. That duty, especially toward our parents, is enjoined upon us by God in the Ten Commandments.
The duty to honor our parents and loved ones does not die when they die. Even after death, we continue honoring them. We know this instinctively, which is why we visit their graves (when possible), or keep photos or other remembrances of them in our homes.
But how can we assist, support, and help our deceased loved ones? I think the example of Judas Maccabeus is instructive. Because he was confident in the resurrection of the dead, Judas Maccabeus collected a donation so that prayers could be offered for his slain soldiers (cf 2 Macc 12.43-44).
In same way, it is confidence in the resurrection of the dead that should compel us to pray for our departed loved ones. For if there was no resurrection, then our prayers would be worthless. But since we believe that Christ will raise the dead, we can be confident that He will hear our prayers for them.
Furthermore, the example of Judas Maccabeus helps us remember that, even though someone has died, he continues to be part of the Church. In other words, we keep the departed in our prayers in the same way that we prayed for them when they were alive.
Our prayers for the departed should be no different than our prayers for the living. In both instances, at the heart of the matter is that we ask God to have mercy and extend His lovingkindness to all men—relative, friend and enemy. In doing so, we should not be tempted to play God by judging, in our own mind, where the person is or will be. Instead, with great hope and confidence in God’s mercy, we ask our loving Lord to grant the departed a place of refreshment, of light, and of peace (from the Canon of the Mass).
Many of our prayers and hymns in the liturgy attest to this hope, and give us a means of honoring our departed parents and loved ones. One prayer, in particular, that expresses our hope is this one:
O Lord Jesus Christ, King of glory, deliver the souls of all the faithful departed from the pains of hell, and from the bottomless pit: deliver them from the Lion’s mouth, that hell swallow them not up, that they fall not into darkness: but let Michael the standard-bearer bring them into the holy light: Which thou didst promise of old unto Abraham, and his seed.
The Church sets aside one day in particular for all the faithful to pray for our departed parents and loved ones—November 2, commonly known as “All Souls Day.” This year, make it a point, as your schedule allows, to attend the All Souls Day mass. Or, at least, set aside time on this day to pray “Lord have mercy” for your several departed loved ones.